Life's been a pandemonium lately. A thoroughly different routine this year. Have been having loads of 'Myrafeelslikealoser Day'. I don't know why gazillion things have been fluttering round my head. Life sucks now. But somehow or rather, it's this hate of living that I want to continue on living.
Death Certificate,
My auntie passed away on the first of March. I cried, obviously. Though I may not be close to her, I still did. I mean i did it as I respected her and maybe that little sense of attachment to her. And of course, other people were crying so my senses told me I should and must cry. Right there and then I didn't know what to feel, sad because of the sudden death that took me by alarm or angry at the tragic irony or disappointed at not realizing before this how fragile life is or happy that I discovered a lesson that time is short. I think if a mechanism that can detect emotions were to examine me at that time, that machine would go haywire at the fast-changing emotions and the confused emotional state I was in. I was emotionally deranged for a day.
I kissed her. Kissed my aunt goodbye. Kissed her on the forehead. Her face felt cold. Her flesh was as hard as rock. Her smell had a tinge of blood and scented flowers. I felt as though my heart had been pierced with a sharp parang. The emotions listed on my family's faces couldn't be deciphered. Everyone had a face of either deep sadness or utter mournfulness or just plain confusion for the kids that is. But soon after the funeral that was followed by the burial, which I didn't go, I felt calm and I was surprised how I could engulf the fact that I would never see my auntie again in just a matter of minutes. The rest of the day was spent with soft laughter and food, lotsa them.
bye/.