I hate to be despised because of one thing I do. Though, quite a handful humans know what I do illegally it doesn't actually affect them. I'm not trying to curse at anyone point blank through this post but oh, i don't know. Don't tell me just because of ___-ing people are going to treat me differently. Do I have a label stamped permanently that says ___-er on my forehead? Because seriously, it seems like they are tad embarrassed when they hang out with me. Now don't just shut yourself from me and throw me away from your lives. Cause frankly, I can tell from your faces and i'm damn sure you hate it. Neglecting me just makes it worse, like a knife thrust through my heart. I know not a lot of people can withstand the insults. And i'm one of them, unfortunately. Though i may have a strong exterior, one whom won't breakdown if given a phenomenon to deal with. But i am. I fuckin' am. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Okay i'll try to stop what i'm doing. The reason for such activity is not to produce a cool image or what ever you think ___-er is. In fact, my reason's the opposite, well not utterly in contrary, and it is as a leisure activity. Something I do to empty my deranged mind. Somehow or rather, in terms of family and friends, I may have a good life. However, those doesn't occupy entirely my life. Problems, School, Money. They're too enigmatic for somebody dumb like me. Everything is moving at full speed. Things I don't understand just bypass me like a bullet train. My mind's constantly drifting. though, when needed, my mind's blank. Somehow all the useful information is extracted leaving me with nothing.
I'm daunted by the labels. A deluge of unjust comments bombarded at once. For goodness sake, give me a break. Everybody's killing me. Now the reasons are clearly stated, no complications about it. I reckon you guys just leave me to my pastime. I know you guys have concerns and doubts about my behavior. Jetplanes full of appreciation goes out to you guys. And I still love you so even though my presence isn't concerned anymore. One wrong turn done and down I go to the deep well which bears an infinite depth, no longer able to climb out of this chamber. Doomed for life. I'm in a trapdoor of depression.
Fuck, screw it. Let's not be too metaphorical. But seriously, this change in behavior instilled in you guys have really hurt me though I don't actually care about the opinions of others. Since great deeds have been done to me by you guys, I'll do my share in returning and paying back what I owe by gradually cutting down on what I've been doing. That's how much I want you guys restored in my life. I don't want to be treated like a piece of shit. I want to be loved and I want your loves. I never knew such neglecting acts would make me reverse and make a turn to the right path. However, I know it is all worthwhile. Having the thoughts of our friendship in mind, I'll say no when offered to ___. Because I care that you guys care. The awful truth of sacrifice have dawn on me. Just don't erase me off.