Who would have 'thunk' (haha) I was so stupid? Can't believe it took me this long to realize. Blindness and stupidity ate me inside out. How could I not notice (it) partake in the ruining of the beauty in this friendship? The escalation of sanity in my head have sped up, I couldn't even take a breather. The air I could inhaled was trapped in a plastic bag I threw in disgust. Never looking back. the absence of my senses and nerves were intertwined with panic and rolled up in a piece of paper which incinerated to the ground in ashes that flew in search of a place they belong. How could I sit on the fence when the decision's already made up? Why did I take the other route and never looked back at memory lane? Where was my heart when all this flashed infront of me? Why couldn't I engulf my selfishness and keep it lock inside? Why was I trying to suffocate in the realm of melancholy, when the light never went away? what happened to me? What happened to promises? what happened to friends?
Fuck, I need a break. I need kitkat.
I missed the times when we could hang out with nothing and talk till our lungs are crinkled up. I miss telling you everything and everything. I miss erasing that barrier in between us. I miss knowing you've got my back and I've got yours without assurance. I miss sharing inside jokes. I miss talking to you and knowing what you tell me is real, what you really mean. I miss not having you there where you always were. I miss the starbucks, late night convos, camps, sleepovers, diabolical plans to rule the world, the msn convos, pm wars, the endless walk in orchard. I miss talking to each other and thinking it was two seconds stretched into eternity. I'm missing talking to you about nothing. I miss laughing at us. I miss the starting. I miss seeing your forehead free of creases. I miss the absence of straws in your mouth. I miss your pessimistic behaviour which I could reassure with my positivity. I miss you telling me everything. I miss filling my every weekend with our redundant meet ups. I miss skipping school days. I miss thrift shopping. I miss exchanging that I-know-you-want-to-laugh-too when somebody falls down. I miss you pulling me up when I fall. I miss pushing you down. And laughing at it. I miss taking countless photos like nobody's business. I miss fitting rooms. I miss the singalongs with our glass-breaking voices. I miss laughing at nothing. I miss painting bags. I miss gossiping. I miss slapping. I miss threatening you. I miss our long walks until our legs tire us out. I miss teletubie hill. I miss kueh making. I miss haji lane with our uniform. I miss solving our problems together. I miss trying to look cool with our cameras. I miss our laid-back convos. I miss fighting about how power rangers are better than teen titans. I miss sleeping peacefully. I miss looking at you and knowing my presence is wanted. I miss laughing menacingly. I miss our telepathic connection. I miss accumulating points whenever we do something jinx-y. I miss sharing things with you. I miss everything. I miss the nothings. I miss the sharing of happiness when a great thing has happened to me/you. I miss planning for our future though it probably won't exactly turn out exactly, I mean ferrari cars and all (?!). I miss distracting ourselves. I miss experimenting. I miss rating guys. I miss lying on my back counting stars and talking about stupidity. I miss being stupid. I miss the stupid you. I miss the old me. Take me back to the person I use to be. My memory is fading. I'm growing old. And I want to want the memories to fixate its place in my mind. I don't want to forget it. Because it magnificent, more beautiful than life itself.