Dub. dub. dub. My heart thumps a sorrow song. As my yearn to be free germinates, my will to change is ignited. All my life I've been fighting the current, maybe it's time I realize I should just go with the flow. My mind's a deadlock. I feel so empty. But it's okay, I'll be okay, they promised me, but promises are meant to be broken.. but it's okay really, i'm fine, i'll be fine.. right?
Let's not shine the bad light on everything. There's bound to be a lesson that could be eked out of this...
Right?
Who cares? No one.
Myra, compose yourself, it's not the end of the world. Don't throw a pity party for yourself. You are better than this. Yes, people have let you down, but it's because you've let them down too, it's not karma, I was told not to believe in karma, it's called life. Life's a nervous hurricane, it will throw you in the pit of the deep abyss forcing you to face your mistakes and reflect on your sins, only to make you better, so you know how to get up on your feet and sing a song of happiness.
I realized something. All along I thought strong humans are those who fight for their rights, but what makes a stronger human is one who doesn't fight back. I witness so many, like myself, feed on superficial needs like luxurious trips to the make-up store, like a night in town, like gushing down shots of Jack Daniel's. I'm not trying to be a wet blanket and saying all these are wrong and everything, I'm just saying maybe we could live without it for awhile. Maybe, I can too.
I realize today's generation are too fond of being in the limelight with trend weaving in the fabric of their "cool" clothes. Cool doesn't coexist with trends, my dear. I believe they're too engross in widening their social netwrok that they forget their inner circle, the people who brought them up.. their family. They are so impressed by the number of friends they have on Facebook that they forsake quality time with family for "better time out with friends".
I became conscious of the fact that family don't coexist with teenagers. How many of you have heard of a friend sitting down at a round table dining in and indulging in a spread set up by their mother with the rest of the family encompassing the table, giggling and trading stories of how their days went? But how many have heard of teens around the club's table downing shots of alcohol? My point exactly.
I don't know what i'm babbling about. I'm just saying, does it hurt to fit family time into your ohsomothfuckingly busy schedule? If you're not gonna do that, then I will, then I will have the best of both worlds.
Enough of emo crap, as you may know, i am grounded. Don't ask why? (i know you're gonna ask anyway).
In these following days of solitude, what should i do? I think I'm going to cleanse myself. I mean for the past years I haven't really been a daughter, I haven't really been a sister.. all I have been was a vacuum that sucks the money out of my parents and uses my sister's clothes. All I have done, was using them to their advantage now it's payback time I guess.
Maybe I'll try cooking? Or pick up guitar? Or see how much it hurts to attempt suicide. God. i am going crazy i might as well be dead. fjgjdfvheirhgkfhdkvhkdfhvkdfhkvhkxchvkhdkfvhkdhviehivhierhvierhvihbih.
I hate this. Make me feel stronger, please? :'(